"After years of trying to follow Jesus, I keep losing him in the crowded busyness of my life. I know Jesus is there, somewhere, but it's difficult to make him out in the haze of everyday life. For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to be a godly person.
Yet when I look at the yesterdays of my life, what I see, mostly, is a broken, irregular path littered with mistakes and failure. I have had temporary successes and isolated moments of closeness to God, but I long for the continuing presence of Jesus. Most of the moments of my life seem hopelessly tangled in a web of obligations and distractions.
I want to be a good person. I don't want to fail. I want to learn from my mistakes, rid myself of distractions, and run into the arms of Jesus. Most of the time, however, I feel like I am running away from Jesus into the arms of my own clutteredness.
I want desperately to know God better. I want to be consistent. Right now the only consistency in my life is my inconsistency. Who I want to be and who I am are not very close together. I am not doing well at the living-a-consistent-life thing.
I don't want to be Billy Graham. I just want to be remembered as a person who loved God, who served others more than he served himself, who was trying to grow in maturity and stability. I want to have more victories than defeats, yet I fail on a regular basis." - Messy Spirituality
I've been in a bit of a funk for the past couple of weeks. I've been feeling like a lousy Christian. I haven't been praying enough. I haven't been reading my Bible that much. I haven't been sharing my faith that much. I love God, but I haven't exactly made that evident.
I decided that it was time to make more of an effort. I just sat down and prayed for awhile, and later that night, I decided to read this book again. I didn't get very far in my reading, and I can't remember every detail about this book, but it basically tells us to stop focusing on our imperfections and remember that God loves imperfect people. It reminds us to let go of seeking perfection and instead seek God. I'm going to do my best to do just that.
"Yes, LORD, walking in the way of your laws, we wait for you; your name and renown are the desire of our hearts. My soul yearns for you in the night; in the morning my spirit longs for you." Isaiah 26:8-9
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4 comments:
Excellent post. I feel the same way. I should read that book.
I am glad that CBS is starting back up this week...I love having a weekly Bible study to do...along with accountability!
It's a pretty good book. I'll let you borrow it when I'm done if you want.
Yeah, I won't be able to come very often to CBS, but I'll come when I can. It's good to be in the Word and CBS helps you stay accountable.
Put me on the borrowing list too, please. :)
When are we scrappin' again?
Will do.
Hmmm...I don't know when we'll ACTUALLY scrap...
Now, come to think of it, I have no idea the next time we will be scrappin' b/c I'm gonna be gone A LOT this month...
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